Sometimes I need to just be still and patient in the presence of my God. Sometimes I get caught up in the works and in everything else that I forget what our relationship is all about. Sometimes I rush God and try to make Him work according to how I want Him to work, instead of just letting His Spirit move in and through me. Sometimes I am selfish, and our relationship becomes more about me and my blessings than about Him and all that He is.
Sometimes I run away from the truth because it’s easier to just hide and seek the answers that I want to hear, instead of the answers that God needs me to hear. Sometimes I hear His answers and think I understand what He means, but instead of taking that and learning from it, I dwell in my mistakes and run to my friends for more satisfying and justifying answers. Sometimes I am too blind to notice the amazing things He has already done for me. Sometimes I do my best to try and understand who He is and what He’s doing and where He’s leading me and why I am the way I am, instead of just letting Him fulfill His will in my heart.
Right now, God just wants me to spend more time with Him. I cannot be strong in Him if I keep doing what I’m doing. The truth that I’ve been running from has become so plain and simple and real: I am my own enemy… I am preventing myself from Him.
He has forgiven me for all these things that I have done and have been in denial of, and it’s time for me to forgive myself. I don’t know what it means to forgive myself, but you know what? I’m sure God knows, and the more I give it to Him, the more He’ll show me what forgiveness really is.
